October 08, 2005

Chapter 4: Turbulent Teenhood

The Turbulent Teenhood of
Cleveland A. Holldum

Welcome to the random chaos known as Chapter 4 of Texas Holldum's Family Legacy.

I decided to start things off with a "nice" family portrait, even though one of the members wasn't even born at the time this chapter starts. Anyone with kids knows how hard it is to get 'em to behave for a family photo (or was it just me and my siblings that were like that?) You do get an idea of Gen 2's personalities here though.

But... on with the show...

And this, folks, is the one destined to carry on the Legacy of the Holldum clan. Two available bathrooms and he'd rather sponge off in the kitchen sink. Oy. Makes you wonder if he's really the best choice for heir. Thankfully Cleveland's exhibitionism is due to him being exceedingly outgoing -- just like Texas -- and not extreme lazy/sloppiness. Thank the hundred little gods.

"Father! Despite the ominous and possibly dangerous green fumes wafting from you, I am delighted you are home. For a few hours, at least, someone will realize I'm here and pay attention to me."

Sorry about that Kasson. We'll like you better when you get older. Promise.

"Waylon sweetie, I done just had the bestest idea! Tha boys are sleepin' and I wuz thinkin' this might be a good time ta be tryin' out that new bed Kethwyn bought fer us."

Careful Texas. You remember what happened last time you started feeling frisky. I hope you have more baby names picked out.

"My dear, have you been... er..." *stagger* "indulging in a few too many grilled cheese sandwiches of late? I don't recall you being this... ah... hefty before."

"Are you tryin' ta say I’m gittin' fat agin Waylon? I ain't gonna feel much like WooHoo if I’m gitting fat."

"Oh well if there'll be WooHoo... You're adorable and light as a feather my love."

Heh... men

Ooo, the Flush Faerie strikes. I was wondering when one of these two would flush when the other was in the shower again. Texas is on the receiving end this time. You know Waylon has to be inwardly gloating over finally getting a chance to return the 'favor' to his wife.

I guess there are some things Family sims are good for. Cleveland takes care of his little brother wonderfully. No noogies between these two.

"...then there-aftex setting-in the isolating wire and while fixing for MID, just putting in the most suitable depth of the grooves..."

::I liked the story Mother told me about Mr Snuggles much better. Cleveland's story reads like stereo instructions.::

Oh my, Texas. Does this mean what I think it means?

"Yea, yea, yea. Me 'n Waylon were gittin' all frisky. An I hain't been ta the Diggity Dog and I hain't got no food poisoning. Anythin' else you wanna bother me with afore I git sick all over?"

Nah, I was just going to remind you about picking out those names again.


Someone must be hungry after tossing all those cookies. Texas has made her first lobster.

"I'd rather be havin' a nice grilled cheese sammich."

It's a bit late at night for that babe. But since it's your first lobster, we'll give it its own little moniker. Let's call it... L3(T1).

"Um, pardon me Mr. Vidcund, but is there a reason for your explosive appearance in our home?"

"You d### meddling kids, always peering and peeping and prying into a man's private life. Can't a man do his scientific research in peace?!"

"If that's what you insist on calling it sir..."

Best break yourself of the spying habit now, Cleveland. You really don't want a knuckle-dragger like Vidcund stalking you for the rest of your days, do you?

More lobster? Someone is a hungry little pregnant camper, aren't they?

"I'd still rather be havin' grilled cheese."

Maybe once I get Nightlife I can fix that.

Cleveland might not be able to marry his high school sweetheart, Lisa, but that's not stopping him from sneaking out with her. With everyone asleep and Waylon not glued to the telescope for once, he's bound and determined to have a little fun tonight.

But it seems that something other than fun found him. Being a family sim (*ugh*) this is the last thing he wanted to have happen when he snuck out tonight. Luckily for him, he'll avoid a lecture this time since Texas and Waylon are still asleep.

"All right dear, now just relax and breathe... like this..."

"Oh hesh up Waylon! You ain't bin around fer the birth of yer other kids. How do ya know anything about birthin' this one?"

"Oh, I've been reading up on childbirth in Cleveland's Simily Heath book that's been propping up the couch."

"That's nice hun. I hope ya finished the chapter cuz our little one is about ta git borned here."

And we finally have a little girl in the Holldum family. Salina Holldum seems to have inherited her mother's black, night sky eyes. I remembered to roll some random sims before she was born, so hopefully she won't be a clone of her brothers.

Waylon, I hope that Simily Health book had a chapter on electrocution. It seems the evil trash compactor is trying to claim another victim. Trash compactors claim more lives in my legacy (and non-legacy) families than all other death types combined, I swear. And, come to think of it, while I've had sims electrocuted while repairing other electric/electronic items they've never been killed by them.

Sims Trash Compactors... evil, or just badly repaired?

"Punkin, I smell sumthin' kinda crunchy 'n burned. Ya didn't spill somethin' on the stove while you wuz makin' lunch, didja?"

"No dear, I'm having a nice bologna sandwich. Absolutely no cooking involved in creating one."

"Huh. I wunner what that crispy smell is then?"

Most of my sims run for the biffy or the shower after their electrifying encounter with Mr Trash Compactor. Waylon, however, calmly and quietly made himself a lunch meat sandwich and sat down to enjoy it.

Alas, the day just seemed to go from bad to worse for poor Waylon. Not only had he been electrocuted to a crisp earlier in the day, but he was demoted later in the afternoon (bad choice on the chance card).

Aw, don't pout Waylon, we'll get you back on your way to Mad Scientistdom before the Nutty Professor and Mad Scientist Brotherhood of Greater Strangetown have a chance to hear what happened. Let's have you quit and then check the computer to see if science is hiring. You should start back pretty at close to (or even above) the same job level.

"This is all Mr Noodle's doing. I can feel it in my bones. Curse you Mr Noodle! Vengenace shall be mine!"

Errr... Cleveland... isn't it a little, well, wrong to dirty dance with your mother?

"Mother, are you certain that the university offers a scholarship for 'normal' dance? I would have thought for certain they would only offer it for the artistic sort... ballet, tap, ballroom... that style of dancing."

"A'course they do punkin. Now pay attention and move yer hips like this... Dang boy yer jes like Waylon. He's done got two left feet too."

"No Mother, I assure you I have one of each."

Time goes so fast when they're young. It's already time for Salina's birthday. The family is still dressed up from their failed Headmaster attempt (I can invite the headmaster, but he never shows up) and there's leftover lobster to go with the cake. Neighbors Genesis Lam-Retrorocket and her stepson Euclid are here for the festivities as well.

Ta Da! Instant Toddler.

"Um, excuse me Euclid, but where are you going? There'll be cake soon."

"Just a moment Cleveland, I want to get a closer look at this girl-child. I think I may want this one."

"Euclid, I realize that things are a bit... different... in the Retrorocket household, but this is my sister not a lost puppy for you to take home."

"Yes. She seems quite acceptable."

Euclid is a bit of an odd duck, even for the Retrorockets. Most of them are relatively normal, albeit bug-eyed, people. Euclid is significantly... different. And he's got his sights set on Salina from the get go (well, we'll just have to see, won't we?)

"That's okay dear, we'll keep the strange boy away from you... at least until you're in high school when, because we told you not to, you'll probably be sneaking out at all hours of the night to meet him."

"Dada! Tinka!"

For the curious, Salina is a Sagittarius with 1 sloppy point, 2 shy points, all 10 active points, 8 playful points, and 5 nice points. Definitely not a clone of her brothers.

"I dunno what this green stuff is that Waylon keeps insistin' on stickin' in the formula, but it sure makes it a whiz bang snap fer 'Lina ta be pickin' up on talkin' 'n walkin' 'n stuff."

Smartmilk, a godsend to Simmers with toddlers everywhere.

"Mama! Mama!"

"Aw, that's my purty lil angel. Mama's finally got someone who talks normal like. Not that there's nuthin' wrong with how your daddy and bruthers talk, but dang I git tired of tryin' ta figure out what all they're sayin."

Yeah, I know Xavier. The family's nuttier than a bag of trail mix. But you're easy on the eyes and Texas has this locked want to be best friends with 5 service sims, so I think we'll keep you around a bit.

"Father, I really need to take a shower but your presence in the bathroom is preventing me."

"I need to use the facilities for a moment, Kasson. Why don't you go play with your friend Jessie?"

"Jessie is creeping me out Father. He seems to have this strange X-ray vision that bores through the walls."

"Lets just stand here and stare at each other in awkward silence then, son."

Have I mentioned how much I've grown to dislike Family sims? Or, specifically, some of their little quirks like the 'singing when home from work' thing. Yes Cleveland, I realize you're an overachiver now. You'd have sent your parents into platinum if they weren't there permanently already. Now put a sock in it and go change your sister's diaper.

Good heavens, is it Kasson's birthday already? Time sure does fly when you're not paying attention to the little guy.

Notice that no one, other than Salina, is anywhere around for Kasson's birthday. Nada. No-Boddee. Waylon isn't even glued to the telescope. I don't know where they are, but they sure aren't in the room.

"Let's see... I wish... to never be ignored or forgotten again. I wish for everyone to want to be my friend, and I want to be everyone's friend too."

You better hope I roll popularity kid, because that's going to be one painful wish to fulfill if my trusty gaming dice throws up anything else.

"Whoa! I've like, got hands. Big hands! And feet too. This is sooo cool. I've like, gotten big an' grown up an' stuff"

Nice outfit there Kasson. The sandals, the fluorescent bear and flowers... yeah, I think that explains the new attitude pretty well. You're not getting the bubble blower until college though. Still, like Cleveland, you grew up pretty tasty looking.


Well, lets see what the dice have to say for Kasson. Think happy thoughts now...

*clink* *clink* *thud*

Heh. Well, Lady Tymora is smiling on someone tonight. Congratulations Kasson, you're a Popularity Sim.

"Wow, that's like, so awesome. And tomorrow'll be my first day at Strangetown High. It'll be so cool, meeting all those new people."

You're still not getting the bubble blower until college.


Kasson didn't waste much time in bringing all those new friends home with him. Even though his intended, 'Phemey Retrorocket, is still hanging out in middle school (I keep forgetting to play their lot so she can grow up. D'oh!) he's hitting it off pretty well with Alice Camden.

"Yeah, Mom's the one with all the moves in the family. She was Miss Bonfire for three years runnin' at college."

"How'd she hook up with the geek boy you call a dad then?"

"Hot tub."

"Well that explains volumes."

I've mentioned how much I've begun to hate Family sims, haven't I? As in, really, really begun to hate them. I mean, for Stinky Pete's Sake Cleveland, you were demoted at work! What's there to sing about and celebrate? If he didn't need the job for the Entrepreneur scholarship I'd have him quit right now. Boom. In a flash.

But, I admit that family sims have their good sides too. Cleveland had the want to 'serve food' so I had him put Salina in her high chair and then make omelets for the family. Well, my brilliant heir promptly set breakfast on fire but instead of panicking as the fire alarm wailed he grabbed his little sister and high-tailed it for the front porch.

Once Salina was safely deposited on the front walk, then he ran back inside to panic his little head off like the clueless sim he is. Oy. Just don't get in the way of the hunky fireman, Cleveland. He's actually putting out the fire not screaming like a little girl, like some sims we know.

Ah, don't we just love our silly little simmies?

"Do I know you? You look kinda familiar. Why are you here at mah daughter's burfday?"

"Babe, I'm like your son."

"You don' look like Cleveland."

"Whoa Mom, I'm like your other son, Kasson, ya know."

"I got anudder son?"

Too much time under the hot studio lights filming your tv show, Texas? You forget about your Spare to the Heir?

"When did I git anudder son?"

Whoops. I realized as I was putting together this chapter that Salina was even more neglected (picture-wise) as a child than Kasson was, which is surprising because I was seriously thinking about giving Cleveland the boot and making her the heir for a while (a bizarre glitch with the rabbit head resulted in her maxxing all her skills as a toddler, so that ruled heirdom for her right out). Looking back on her childhood, however, I realize that a lot of that time was spent fighting with the headmaster glitch and getting Cleveland and Kasson ready for college. Hence the lack of pictures.

You'll also notice that, in the background, the car of a certain Miss Lisa Waters has pulled up to the house. Is Cleveland trying to sneak out again, even as his little sister celebrates her birthday?

Cleveland can try, but he doesn't even make it off the porch before he's busted. And by Waylon too. He made it through the great room and past his mom, only to be busted by his dad. Waylon wasn't even glued to the telescope but came running out from somewhere in the house to stop him.

"Cleveland, whatever were you thinking, sneaking out at this late hour? And on a school night! I thought we had impressed upon you the importance of a good night's sleep before classes."

"Yes Father, but you see, Lisa is very good at..."

"You do understand that a good night's sleep leads to excellence in your education, and a strong education means scholarships for college..."

"...very good at kissing and she knows this spot behind the swimming pool downtown..."

"And if you have college under your belt, the world is your oyster my son. Just look at the accomplishments of your mother and I."

"You're not listening to me, are you Father?"

Nope, I'm afraid not Cleveland. He's on a roll. Hopefully his lecture won't devolve into a rant about Mr. Noodle again.

Whee, the Flush Faerie strikes again (okay, so I just find it terribly funny when this happens).

The family that cleans together... er... well, okay Texas isn't exactly cleaning and Waylon seems a little preoccupied with something other than mopping up the mess from the broken tub.

"Darling, you might try bending over a touch more and leaning over farther."

"Now why would I wanna be doin' that Waylon?"

"Ah... leverage... yes, you'll get better leverage with your wrench."

"Well, if'n ya say so."


Ooo, more lobster. Are we bored with crustaceans yet? But look! An actual face-on shot of Salina as a kid (I think it's my only one)

[Dog Show Announcer Voice] This is Lobster L5(W3) [/Dog Show Announcer Voice]

"Excuse me sir, but could you kindly not stare at me while I tinkle?"

"You look awfully familiar. Are you one of my boys?"

"Please Mr. Smith, a little privacy? Bashful bladder, you know..."

"I've got boys all over the place, you know. Girls too. I was a pretty busy pollinator in my day."

"Ahhh! Mother! Come get your guest!"

I've had PT do this to a lot of my Strangetown sims. Does he have a bathroom fetish or something?

"Mildred, I 'preceiate you showin' up ta take Xavier's shift at cleanin' mah house today, 'specially since I had Xavier rung up on tha phone a tellin' him about mah latest episode of 'Grill of the Golden West.' Yer kinda purty too, so we'd really 'preceiate if ya'd be a friend of the family, jes' in case Cleveland screws up and ain't able to land the delivery gal."

"Gee thanks Miz Texas. Wow, a tip! I never got one of these when I was workin' for that bitchy Circe Beaker."

As Cleveland waits to meet his potential lady-love we get a chance to witness Waylon hitting his second lifetime want: he has officially been accepted into the Nutty Professor and Mad Scientist Brotherhood of Greater Strangetown (reached the top of the science path)

"And now Mr Noodle, nothing stands between me and my vengance . Soon you and your minions shall feel the wrath of Dr Seavey-Holldum."

Er, Cleveland, why don't you forget about the grocery delivery (turns out it's the hottie delivery guy today anyway) and take your father inside before he hurts himself.

The Mad Scientist outfit is my favorite career outfit, although the Natural Scientist fig leaf is a close second (followed by the shaman/exorcist) It's all about the mechanical hand.

Much like Cleveland's obsession with his uniform, Waylon would happily wear his mechanical hand and chemical stained lab coat all day and night, if he could. Despite his desire to be Chief of Staff now, I'm going to let him continue on as a mad scientist. It suits him so well. Besides, He's perma-platinum and the Holldums aren't hurting for money now.

Oh Cleveland, not again. This is your third try to sneak out and the second time the cops have busted you. As he trudges up the stairs, dejected, doesn't your heart go out for the poor little guy? Maybe Lisa is actually setting our heir up, calling the cops before she leaves to pick him up.

"*sniffsniff* Lisa..."

Aw, buck up little camper.

Oh, and note Skippy the Policeman here (I don't recall his real name) We'll be seeing him again, just not in this chapter. I'm tempted to marry him into the legacy just for that gormless look.

"Whoa, dude! That's like, harsh, gossipin' about our mom like that. It's just not right."

"But Kasson, Mother was..."

"Aw, no way man. That's just, like, so wrong. I don't want at be hearin' stuff like this about Mom. It's just... eww..."

Vanity, thy name is Kasson.

Despite the fact that both Cleveland and Kasson have exactly the same personality stats, I never catch Cleveland primping and posing in front of the mirror. With Kasson, however, if I can't find him anywhere obvious, I know he has to be in front of the mirror. I know it might be the result of his popularity aspiration, but it's a personality quirk that's uniquely his (at the moment).

Personally, right now I think he's criticizing my choice of new default eyes. These are a little too pink around the corners and edges.

"Whoa, I need to snag some Visine next time I'm cruzin' by the Circle K. I look like I've been pullin' an all night bender on the bubble blower."

With college approaching fast, I figured we'd give the boys one last try at sneaking out. This is the first time Kasson has snuck out; I think it's Blair Mace he's leaving with. No glow sticks so the hundred little gods know what they're up to. Cleveland is going out with some townie babe -- the one in the red dress with the black hair in the French braid. I can't recall her name right now.

With both of them sneaking out and with Texas and Waylon both soundly asleep, the odds of Cleveland making it back okay are pretty good, right?


Oh dear. Kasson's made it back fine, but what about our beloved heir? Strangetown's finest must have a GPS tracking device on Cleveland. He's 0 for 4 on the sneak out attempts now. Hopefully he'll be able to put it all behind him when he goes to college in a few days.

I think we've seen all the Strangetown police officers now too.

Kasson Byron Holldum, couldn't you have done something to help your brother avoid getting busted for the fourth time?

"Yo babe, I like told him the cops were gettin' snoopy and that they like knew all about his 'special place' behind the swimming pool. Everyone knows about it, ya know? He like just wouldn't listen. It ain't like I didn't try ta help him."

"Cleveland! This here is the therd time the cops have done brought ya back in the middle a the night. An yer father sez he done caught ya sneakin' out with that skanky Lisa girl too. Is she the one lurin' ya inta all this trouble?"

"No Mother, I wasn't out with Lisa tonight."

"I'm just afeered that one mornin' I'm gonna git a call from the folks down at the juveey hall sayin' they done hauled ya down there or somethin'."

"I'm terribly sorry Mother, truly. If you are finished scolding me and causing me to feel like a total heel for making my parents worry, can I go to bed now?"

"I ain't done lecturin' ya yet!"

"Yes Mother."

But, on with the show. We've still got 2 boys to ship off to college, but I want to get Kasson and Salina into private school before that happens. I've only got 2 days to do it in, but after lots of wrasslin' with the FFSLotDebugger and the teleporter picture, I think I've got my buggy Headmasters fixed. This one has made it all the way through the tour and is now sitting down for some of Waylon's best lobster.

Well, Kasson and Salina got into the Strangetown School for Special Students (SSSS) without any problems. Now it's time for little Salina to grow up so she can taunt all the boys in her school girl uniform. Texas still has this desire to be friends with 5 service Sims, so that's why Eugenia Retrorocket-Deerfield is the only "normal" sim attending the party (but really, how normal is any Strangetown sim, hmm?)

I wonder what Salina's wishing for...

::I hope I grow up ta be a hottie like Mama wuz in college.::

*sigh* I sure hope I don't roll romance.

Well, you got the cutie part of your wish at least... let's see what the trusty gaming dice say.

*clinkity klink clink*

Whew... no romance at least.

"Ya know, I hear that when we git Nightlife, the boy'll bring hotties like me all sorts of presents. I like presents, especially sparklee ones."

Yep, she's a wealth sim. Nice choice of clothes though. It looks like I can put off taking a trip to the community lot for a little while longer.

Well, that fated hour has finally arrived. Time for Cleveland to take his first steps towards accepting the mantle of heirdom. Go on, pick up the phone and give old La Fiesta Tech a ring. Unfortunately, you can't attend your mother's alma mater as Highmeadow Community College is attached to another neighborhood. Besides, there are quite a number of guys there who'd be quite peeved to find out she married someone else.

"But I'd much prefer to stay here and marry Lisa and raise a nice family."

Unfortunately Lisa's not available, being a player romance sim. But, like your mom, you might meet your future spouse at the university... Assuming we run into someone I like better than Shelby. It's possible, since Nightlife will be coming out while you're there. Hopefully this one will remember if you WooHoo her in college.

"What's WooHoo?"

Texas, have you still not explained things to this boy? Oy. Just call and matriculate, would you? We'll worry about potential WooHoo when we get there.

"The taxi is here to pick you up son. I'll meet at your dorm in a little bit for the requisite good-bye sqeeze and to get all teary-eyed."

"I'll be waiting for you Father. Take care Mother, 'Lina."

"G'bye punkin 'n don't ferget ta write 'n tell us all about everythin'. Hey, ain't you gonna give me a g'bye kiss?"

"Ya remember ta invite me ta yer wild college parties, okay Clevey!"

I don't think he's the wild party type Salina. Your brother Kasson on the other hand...

"Cleveland Amblin Holldum! You git yer butt back in here raight now an' give yer Mama a G'Bye kiss!"

Not to be outdone, Kasson rings up La Fiesta Tech shortly after Cleveland and heads out as well.

"Yo, heya paper-dude. I'm off to have some wild party times at college. Wow, my first ride in a taxi."

"Have a safe trip son. I'll meet at your dorm in a little bit for the requisite good-bye sqeeze and to get all teary-eyed."

"Bye Dad, bye Mom. I'll remember to invite ya to my first party 'Lina."

"Kasson! You fergot ta give yer Mama a good-bye kiss!"

"I love you guys."

"I shure hope you boys at least remember ta write."

"Hi Mr Taxi Driver. Whoa. Hey, is that Llama Mama on the radio? Cool! Turn it up."

And, after the short animation (and long loading time) we find the Holldum brothers happily ensconced in their La Fiesta dorm. With questionable taste in grow-up clothing. And you two chose so well as kids (still on the lookout for a good site for YA college clothing)

"Yo! Bro! Dude, it's soooo awesome that we're living in the same dorm together, y'know. I like caught the taxi right after yours and the folks in student housing said they like still had open spots here. It's so cool! Think of the parties we'll throw!"

"It's wonderful that you're here Kasson, but I was really hoping I might have some private, alone time at college."

"Oh, yeah dude. Mom's really pissed at you cuz you forgot to give her a g'bye kiss."

"*sigh* Thanks Kasson."

Trust me, I know how you feel Cleveland.

And that wraps up this chapter in the Holldum Saga. Yes Salina, I know what you're trying to say. It seemed like I'd never get this one wrapped up.

"Well it did. Ya done took forever with it."

Blame work, for keeping me too busy to write, Time Warner-Road Runner, for frelling up my internet connection, and Cingular, for letting me get a spiffy new cell phone that I just had to crochet a new phone cozy for.

"Kin I get a cell phone. An' an MP3 Player? An' a handheld?"

Not until Nightlife, so I can take them out of your inventory when the start to drive me completely bonkers. Now go take your shower. You're too stanky for the next chapter. There's love in the air during it.


So stay tuned for the next chapter. Same blog time, same blog channel... er... url.

Onward to Chapter 5: Tail-end Teenhood

Back to Chapter 3: Heir and a Clone... er Spare