Chapter 31: In the House of the Spangled One

In the House of the Spangled One



*thump* *stumble* *whump*

"Now jes who'd be a futzing around on tha front porch at this time o night?"

---

"I see....

Kasson Byron Holldum! I was a wonderin when ya'd done be showin yer face around her ag'in."

---

"An jes what are ya doin wit Miz Keth there?"


"Well... um... there's like this tradition where the dude carries his babe across the threshold and... ah... Mom-babe you're like blockin my way."

---

"Carryin across tha... What!? Are ya'll meanin ta tell me ya done runned off an EE-loped on yer poor mama? After all the work I done put in on plannin yer wedding?! My buddy Raul, who runs tha cameras on mah shows at tha Yummy Channel, was even gonna have his bruther bring his mari-hootchie band ta play fer the reception."

---

"But Mom-Babe! I know you totally wanted to like throw another wedding, but we so did not want something big and flashy like that. And then when I was over talking to my babe about rental stuff, her friend who lives over with all them weird military guys sent her all these flyers about Las Simgas. Well, like, next thing ya know we're packed up and on our way out to Simgas."

"Ya still coulda done called yer mama. I woulda had everything flown out there for ya, though the mari-hootchie band might notta bin able ta make it."

"But Mom-babe! That's totally the reason we were doing it!"

---

"Kids. Ya done gotta wonder what they be thinkin some days. Runnin off an worryin his mama purt near ta death."

I doubt you were that worried Texas. You're more put out because you can't throw another big wedding.

"At least wit both him and his sister done bein married now tha odds are purty good fer me ta git granchillins soon though. But what am I a gonna do with all the party fixins I done bought?"

I don't know. Anniversary party maybe?

"Hmm... me an Waylon ain't had one of them yet."

---

So that's what was up with you two. Did you actually have this planned in advance, or was it a spur of the moment thing?

"Sorry Babe, but like, we gotta have some secrets. I will say it did take a lil bit of planning, but it was so worth it."

There was some forethought to it? Hmm... why do I have the feeling that the cheesiest overlord was not actually phone stalking you?

"I had to have somebody check in on Bibby."

Orrin came over to take care of Bibby? *facepalm*

---

"Seein as you two done scampered off ta git hitched elsewhere, didja think ta take any pichurs or somethin fer yer mama? Since y'all didn't invite her, she's done gotta hexperience it vie-care-hee-ously through yer wedding pichurs."

"Umm.... Keth-babe, did you arrange for any?"

---

"Of course we did Texas. What bride doesn't want pictures of her wedding? If things had been left up to Kasson, we probably wouldn't have any, but I pulled a few strings, made a few arrangements, made use of some of those hidden cameras. I'm not an avatar for nothing you know."

Except that whole "run off to Simgas" thing meant all those avatar perks should've stopped about the time you guys started out. *chuckle* I guess you got lucky and they hung around until you got back here.

"Hey, you didn't have anything to do with that, did you?"

Nope. Y'all caught me by surprise with this one.

"Good. About time someone sprung something out of the blue on you, rather than you surprising us with plot twists."

"A-hem. Kin y'all argue 'bout this later? Ya done said ya had me some weddin pichurs and I wanna be seeing 'em right now."

"But Mom-babe! It's our..."

"I want them pichurs right now Kasson!"

*group sigh*

---

"Okay. Now, if you've seen any of the travelogues about Las Simgas, or read any of the 'The Places to go in Simgas' guides, you've seen this place..." "Er, let me get a better picture..."

---

"This is it! The First Spanglestolic Church of the Velvet Elvis! It's only the place to get married in Simgas!"

"Heh. We couldn't, like, just get married anywhere, ya know?"

---

"C'mon. Let's go inside, shall we?"

---

"This is the Greeting Desk. They check your reservation here, sign in your guests (if you've invited any to the ceremony), and sell a variety of wedding mementos and knick knacks."

---

"Usually it's manned by one of these two ladies. They're the life blood, the hands and feet, arms and legs of the church."

---

"This is Lisa. She handles the photography, music, and all the socializing and making folks feel comfortable while they're in the Church. She's also on hand to help the bride if she needs any assistance with getting dressed, doing her hair, make up, and the like."

---

"This is Marie. She handles all the logistics, paperwork, and the business side of the Church. When it comes to keeping a wedding on track and on schedule, she can't be beat. She's also usually the happy face that checks you in when you first arrive."

---

"Finally, here he is, the heart and soul of the Church, Father Sonny. He is the Church of the Velvet Elvis' high priest, pastor, confessor, youth counselor, marriage counselor, divorce counselor, tithe collector, proselytizer, Myshuno caller, and janitor (someone has to clean the men's bathroom) "The guidebook says that Father Sonny was inspired to found the Church after the Spangled One spoke to him while he was trashed from a three day bubble blower and grilled cheese bender. The Velvet One admonished him for his excess and commanded him to spread the spangled word."

---

"And what would any church be without an altar or... in this case... an arch for the worship of the Spangled One?"

---

"There's even an incarnation of the Spangled One himself in attendance. Father Sonny said that when he's not channelling, he prefers to be called Aaron, but while he's in the building, it's all business."

---

"And he's quite good at it too."

---

"Now the First Spanglestolic Church of the Velvet Elvis isn't like a lot of the Simgas wedding chapels. Father Sonny insists on talking to every couple that comes in, as the Spangled One has decreed that only couples who truly love each other can wed in his presence."

"If I'd like known this, we would've totally gone somewhere else. I've had enough of the being talked at from the Mom-Babe."

---

"It wasn't that bad Kasson. Father Sonny was really nice."

"Yeah, I guess. He wasn't anything like the Mom-Babe is when she's grillin me. But we totally had to explain everything to him about us being in love and all."

Considering how messed up you two's relationship has been, I can understand that.

---

---

---

---

---

---

---

"Thankfully he like figured out we were totally in love and weren't there for some quickie marriage or something... well, we like were but..."

"Anyway, Father Sonny gave us his blessing so we could finally start the ceremony"

---

I hope that's not what you got married in Kasson.

"Nope. You'll have to wait and see. It's totally my favorite suit."

---

I guess we get to follow SK then.

"Not while I'm getting dressed you won't. Camera stays out until then."

---

The staff at the First Spanglestolic Church of the Velvet Elvis gets down while they wait for their guests to get ready.

---

Still not bothering to get ready Kasson?

"Hey, I knew it was going to like take a bit for my Keth-babe to get ready."

---

I don't know... it doesn't look like it took her very long at all.

"Nope. I didn't go for anything as complex as Lina had."

Do we get to see the dress?

---

"Sure."

Er... well... that's different.

"After going with Lina when she was dress shopping, I decided I wanted something a little nontraditional. Besides, it matches."

Matches? Matches what? Oh no...

---

"Lisa was just about to come in and see if I needed help getting dressed when I came out of the dressing room. She really liked the dress."

---

---

"I wondered for a moment if Marie was going to comment on how the color of my gown matched hers, but she'd only come over to give me some last minute instructions."

---

---

"And then Aaron, er the Spangled One came over to offer me best wishes as well."

---

---

"Oh my... I hope Kasson wasn't around to see that. Last thing I need is for him to get jealous over it."

Or make him want one of his own. Shouldn't we be seeing a pic of him in his tux soon?

---

"Like this one Babe?"

Oh by the hundred little gods... *facepalm* I thought we'd gotten rid of that smoking jacket.

"I told ya Babe, it's my favorite suit!"

I can't believe you got married in that *sigh* Well, it's your wedding. Hey, shouldn't there be another guest here?




"Oh don't be worryin. The Captain-babe was just running a little bit late."

---

"Her date was having trouble finding a suit that fit."

Ah, the MBiBs do have that problem. Hopefully he didn't flex and all pop the buttons off the shirt. I'd promised Captain Angelia a front row seat at the next Holldum wedding, and looks like November was more than happy to accompany her. But then, he'd follow her anywhere, trailing little pink hearts as he did.

---

---

"So I took a moment to ask Kasson if he was getting cold feet or anything..."

---

"I told her that I like wasn't getting cold anything and what I was gettin..."

*clears throat*

"Er... she'd so have ta wait till later to find out."

---

"Lisa asked us to pose for a moment so she could get a picture."

"Once she remembered how to use the camera."

---

"I don't think it turned out too bad."

No it didn't. I hate to say it, but The Jacket doesn't look that bad with your dress. And I also hate to say this, but this is probably a good point to split this chapter into two...

---

Previous Chapter
Next Chapter

---