GotGW Tour

The Grill of the Golden West

I've got a special treat for you today folks. After a lot of cajoling and wheedling (and a few well place inappropriate photos of higher-ups) I was able to land an exclusive tour of the Yummy Channel's latest prototype restaurant. They've given simlebrity chef Texas Holldum her own chain of restaurants. And we get a sneak peek at Prototype 1

Ack, I'd better be careful with the enthusiasm or I'm going to start sounding like Burke.

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Yep, definitely looks like the right place. Strangetown Urban Complex, on the corner across from the Landgraab Overlook condominium tower.

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But where's Texas? She said she was going to meet us out front. I don't think I'm early.

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Oh, that's where you are Texas. We were waiting on you.

"Cain't a gal have a moment ta herself? If it ain't Waylon walkin' in on me in tha biffy, it's that dang Shelby gittin' whiney cuz she done wants ta floss her nose or somethin' an' cain't have anyone else in tha bathroom when she's a doin' it."

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Sorry about that Texas. We've just been waiting for our tour. This is my special feature for the week.

"I done be knowin' that. That EO gal done had her design beasts show up here tha udder day wit all sorts of outfits fer me ta choose from. Quick fellers too. Had me a whole set done up in no time. Be sure ta be passin' my thanks o'er ta her."

I'm sure she's tickled to hear you like 'em.

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Can we get started now?

"Welcome y'all ta mah very own rest-er-ront. I done named it after mah show on tha Yummy Channel, Grill of the Golden West."

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Wait, let me pan back and get a wide angle shot.

"Jes hurry up. Mah arms is gittin tired."

Just a moment. Focusing...

"I hain't as young as I once were. This here pose is makin' my lumbago act up."

*click* Okay, I've got it.

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"Yeah yeah. Jes be-a follerin' me in here an' I'll give ya the grand tour and innerduce ya to everyone."

You've already hired your staff? You have minions?

"Grill of the Golden West is a fam-er-lee affair."

Mr. French works for you?

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"But first, take a gander at mah Grill of the Golden West logo. It's the first thing ya done see when ya walk in tha door. It's on all tha uniforms too. I wuz even feelin' kinda spunky an' thinkin' of gittin a teeny tiny tattoo of it, but then Omaha done said 'Ewww Gramma.' I kinda thunk different of it then."

Yeah, I'd kinda go "eww" too I think. No offense Texas

"Huh?"

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"Here's the view from tha front of the place, lookin' towards the back. Jes be ignorin' mah bartender. We'll git ta him in a bit."

"Hey!"

"Hesh up."

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"An' here's the back a'lookin' towards the front. You kin see the kitchen, wit tha open wall so you kin watch 'em cookin yer food."

It seems kinda small Texas.

"Well, it's still the proter-type. Once we git the kinks worked out we kin try somethin' bigger."

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"I done asked Veronica ta be mah manager. Cleveland recommended her an' said she was real good at rester-ront stuff. Right now she's also a workin' as the hostess too."

"I've always wanted to be a hostess. Thanks for givin' me a chance Mrs. Holldum."

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"Woulda model your hostess togs fer us?"

"Sure thing Mrs. Holldum."

"Ain't she a purty thing in that outfit? Sex appeal helps draw customers."

"Thanks. Cleveland thinks it's sexy too."

"Cleveland's done seen ya in it?"

And probably out of it too.

"Huh?"

*giggle* *cough* Er, nothing Texas.

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"Okay, lets be-a headin' into the employee lounge ta meet mah waitress."

Shouldn't that be 'wait staff' That whole 'PC' thing you know.

"Ah them computers can bite me."

Er, wrong PC Texas.

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"I done asked mah darlin' grandchile Omaha to be mah waitress. When I wuz her age I wuz workin' at Rockin' Ronnie's Diner and Tiki Bar. Done got me some good cookin' hexpeereence."

"Hi Gramma!"

"Shouldn't you be like rollin' silverware or something girl?"

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Care to show us the wait staff uniform, Omaha?

"Sure, I'd be tickled pink ta show ya."

"I wanted her ta be a wearin' a hat, but somethin' always seemed ta be goin' wonky with it. Somethin' about patched pets, but I hain't seen no animals around here never."

That's okay Texas. I think Omaha looks cute in the braids.

"Gee, thanks. Hey, do ya think you could git me on the cover of SimTeen?"

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"Okay punkin'. Give yer grandma a hug and git yerself ready fer customers."

"Sure thing Gramma."

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"Ain't she sech a good girl? Even washing her hands like the sign sez."

Doesn't the sign actually say 'Wash your frelling hands or else!'

"Well... sumthin like that."

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"Come on. Lets head o'er ta tha kitchen an' see who I done got cookin' it up over here."

It looks like Benjamin Long from here.

"Who?"

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I'd know that nose anywhere. It's one of the two scariest noses in Strangetown.

"A'course ya do. It's cuz it's done stuck on the face of my bestest cookin' buddy Matthew."

Ah yes, Matthew Howe. Yeah, I've got some suggestive pics of you bustin' a move with him.

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"Tha Yummy Channel jes wasn't givin' him a chance ta really show offin' his talents in tha kitchen, so I done asked him ta be mah number one chef here at Grill of the Golden West."

"Thanks Texas."

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"A'course, I do still need ta keep an eye on him at times. I don't need him pullin' another stunt like that time he done went out drinkin' with a bunch of the guys from work and done ended up givin that sneaky Emersim guy what does tha BAM! show all our recipes fer the 3rd season openin' show."

"I told you I was sorry 'bout that."

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"Okay, since this here is kinda a small rester-ront, the only other thing ta see around here is the bar. Cuz ya know, ya gotta have a beer wit yer ribs or a margahareeta wit yer nachos."

Now that you mention it, I could go for a nice margarita right now.

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"What with keepin' with mah friends and family plan fer the Grill, I done had Waylon make a lil phone call. Besides, the boy weren't doin' nothin' in college an' he's old enough to be mixin' up those drinks."

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"I was studying! It's what you do in college, or at least what some of us do rather than partying in hot tubs all day."

"Oh hesh up. Sheesh, ya give the boy a chance ta broadin his herizens..."

"And do I have to wear this... headgear?"

"Yes. It keeps that ragamuffin scruff you bin' growin outta the drinks an' it done goes with the outfit. This here's the black version of the uniform them design beasts whipped up and ohmagawd..."

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"We hain't even open fer business yet! What's she adoin' in here?"

Um, ordering a drink?

"Young man, can I get another scotch and tonic? Heavy on the scotch, light on the tonic."

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"Actually Orrin, can you be fixin' me up a lil something. Maybe one of them foo-foo fruity drinks or a crappietini like what's all the rage in them fancy SimCity bars. Oh, an' don' be fixin' nothin' fer Miz Pruneface there. We hain't open fer bizness yet."

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"Orrin, I know you ain't be likin' the hat, but it hain't nice ta tease yer mamma. Now jes fix me up mah drink."

*sigh* "Keth, do I have to put up with this?"

Suck it up and mix the drink. Texas, maybe you should ask Omaha what happened to your rumrunner.

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Well, I guess I see your reason for putting Orrin at the bar. A young eligible bartender does tend to draw the women, even if it only Mrs. Crumplebottom at the moment.

Yes, Mrs. C did walk up to the bar, smiled sweetly, and waved at Orrin before ordering the drink.

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Ooo, are we going to try to get a couple customers Texas? Really get our feet wet in this place? This is so exciting. A chance to see Grill of the Golden West in action.

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Oh my. And who should our first customer be, but Bella herself. I'm not sure if this is a good sign or a bad sign. I mean, just look at poor Cleveland. His first blind date was Bella and that ended... poorly.

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But then we're not wanting to date Bella, but set her up with a nice dinner and maybe dessert. Wait, Bella, Veronica and the hostess podium are over here. Where are you...

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...going? Oh, I shoulda know. Trust Bella to gravitate to the nearest unattached male. Orrin, don't strike up a conversation with her. Heck, don't even make eye contact. Are you listening?

Hmm... well, it doesn't look like it's her eyes he's looking into (or at). Typical male.

"I am not."

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"Hi handsome. Say, what's a girl got to do to get a piña colada around here?"

Her eyes are up a little higher Orrin.

"I was admiring her necklace."

Sure you were.

"Ahem. Sorry ma'am. I'll fix one right up for you."

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That's right. Just mix up her drink and mind your own business.

"This would be easier if I at least had a bartender's guide."

A few parties at Cham Annya Hoh and I'm sure you'll know all you'll ever need to about mixing drinks.

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Ah, our first real customer. And Omaha is way too excited and animated with her menu pad. I thought she was going to put someone's eye out with that pencil.

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And the kitchen scurries to fill our first order. I'm proud of Omaha for not cleaning the glass on her shirt like some. If we're really lucky she won't drop the food on him.

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Omaha, you're supposed to serve it up with a smile. What sort of face is that?

"He's kinda weird lookin'."

*looks doubtful* Sure he is. Give you one more age transition and you'll be all over him just because he's a blonde. Besides, he's really not that...

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...weird looking.

*gulp*

Okay, so maybe he does have this creepy Linda Blair thing going on. Quick, get him out the door before he starts spitting up pea soup.

Still, he is our first customer and first simoleon, possessed by dæmons or not.

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Yes Texas?

"I'm gonna go turn out the closed sign. I'm starting ta git tuckered out."

Sounds like a plan. Bella is still making goo-goo eyes at Orrin. Why can't Mrs. Crumplebottom come back and beat her with her purse?

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Aw, why the long face Omaha?

"Not one cute boy showed up tha' I could flirt with. Orrin done got all the girls."

I wouldn't exactly call Mrs. Crumplebottom or Bella prizes. Head on home. I'll catch up with you later and you can call Peyton.

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And the rest of the staff heads out for home. Veronica and the two scariest noses in Strangetown.

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Smile for the camera, Veronica.

"I'm glad Cleveland done recommended her. She's durn good doin' the hostess thing. Cleveland seems purty friendly wit her too."

Heh. Well, you could say that, Texas. *grin*

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And another shot of the nose. So Matthew, how is it being the head chef rather than the prep cook?

"I wonder if Emersim would be interested in doing an episode of BAM! here."

I'd keep that under your hat if I were you. Texas would definitely put the kybosh on that if you brought it up to her.

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And here's the other nose. I'd get closer, but I don't have my wide angle lens in right now.

"Very funny. I must laugh. Ha."

Why do you think all the women are flocking around you?

"Pardon?"

*snicker* All right, where's Texas. It's time to wrap this tour up.

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I should've known.

Come on Texas. It's time to close up shop and head home. I still have to process this tour and get the Yummy Channel to sign off on it. They want to make sure I'm not giving away any secret sauce or whatever.

"Jes five minutes! Cain't ya hold yer horses fer five minutes!"

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"There. Were it so hard fer ya ta give a gal a lil alone time?"

It seemed like forever. *yawns and buffs her nails* So, any final words?

"Thank y'all fer attendin' this here tour of mah proter-type fer mah Grill of the Golden West chain. I'm done bustin' at the seams I'm so happy fer findin' folks so innerested in tha place. Now if Keth kin jes find me mah parrot Cacciatore that she done promised me a few chapters ago, all'll done be right in mah world."

I never promised you a parrot.

"Y'all come back now, y'hear."

*facepalm* Oh geez, how cliché.

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