February 12, 2006

Chapter 6c: Three Dates...

3 Dates for Brother Cleveland

Ah, the 3 divas of Strangetown. I caught these three plotting away behind the bar, no doubt trying to figure out how to divvy up the dateable population of Strangetown. They'll be able to do it too, since 3 is a magic number (at least, that's what Schoolhouse Rock taught us) What, you don't believe that "3" has that sort of power? Haven't you ever noticed how things happen in 3s? Celebrity breakups, the deaths of famous people, good trilogies in books and movies. The number 3 appears in many religions and spiritual paths also (maiden, mother, crone; father, son, holy spirit; ray, peter, egon) Not to be left out, things tend to happen in 3s for the Holldums too (3 kids in college... you see the pattern). So join us now for the next installment of their saga: Three Mules for Sister Sara*... er Three Dates for Brother Cleveland.

* Yes, I know it's actually Two Mules for Sister Sara. Work with me here *chuckle* Oh, and the pictures should pop to a new window if you do the clicky thing on 'em. Tell me if they don't.

At the moment, however, only two of the college-bound Holldums are feeling 'magical' in any way. The other is feeling just a little frustrated.

"One date, that's all I ask for. Just one date."

I told you Cleveland, I've got a hot red head waiting in the wings for you when you get home.

"But… it's a whole year before I graduate. I have to put with this until then? Maybe I should just drop out and become a monk."

Oh all right. Go give the matchmaker a call then, 'Brother Cleveland'. Don't say I didn't warn you though.

"Matchmaker! Make me a match! Er… ah… sorry… Hello, this is Cleveland Holldum over at Cham Annya Hoh. I'd like to set up a blind date please. Yes, I'll hold…"

"That was fast. It seems like I was just on the phone"

"The dispatcher, she gets testy if we are late to our appointments."

"Ah, I see. So… how does this blind date process happen?"

"Before I can peer through the clouds of my crystal ball and summon your partner, you must first cross my palm with silver."

"Silver? Well, Maxis hasn't made a pet expansion yet so we don't have any horses. I think Keth can download some from MTS2 though, if you can wait."

"No no, silver like the coin of the realm. Money can clear the crystal's haze."

"Oh well why didn't you say so?"

"Here's the change I had saved up to use for laundry over at Duds n Suds later tonight. Plenty of silver there."

"You sure ain't expecting a lot, are ya boy?"


"And Behold! The clouds part and Fate summons your ideal date to appear before you."


Oh by the hundred little gods… someone hold me, I'm scared.

Somehow the twisted little Maxisian algorithms have decided upon Bella Goth as Cleveland's blind date. Of course, what did you expect for pocket change? I'll admit, after quoting The Roomie's license plate I put the game on hold and giggled like an insane schoolgirl for five minutes before I was able to resume playing.

You're giggling now too, aren't you? It's okay… we'll wait.

*tap* *tap* *tap*

Composed yourself? Okay, lets get this show back on the road.

"Your date, the lovely Bella, is a woman with a secret, just waiting for the right man to discover it. She is so lost, so alone…"

So… married. Run Cleveland, run now. She's not lost and alone, she's amnesiac and has fidelity issues. She may have the looks, but she is not what you want in a date.

"Thank you so much for arranging this, matchmaker. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to call the taxi to take us downtown now."

I'm warning you Cleveland, this will not end well.

What did I say? No sooner had the exhaust fumes drifted away then Bella was telling poor Cleveland to talk to the hand. He didn't even have a chance to invite her in to dinner.

"No, I don't want to hear any more about the 'Fates arranging it' Listen, I like my men tall, dark, and handsome not… green. Yecch."

"But… the gypsy matchmaker…"

I'm sorry Cleveland, but she wants nothing to do with you. If we listen to rumor she was abducted by aliens and, well, you and the aliens have a lot in common, looks-wise. Besides, looking at her past relationships it's obvious she wasn't lying; Bella likes her men dark with facial hair. She's also quite married, as many people in Pleasantville will tell you. You might be a knowledge sim now, but you've got enough family aspiration sensibilities left over to know dating a married woman is rather wrong.

Go give the taxi a call and head on back to the house. Against my better judgment, I'll even let you ring up the matchmaker again and give this blind date thing another try.

"But the gypsy said her crystal ball showed Bella as my perfect match."

Er, I have my doubts about that. When you call again, you might want to give a little extra so she can buy some Windex to defog her ball.

"Hello, Matchmaker? Yes, this is Cleveland Holldum again. That last date didn't work out too well and I was wondering… Yes, I understand that you don't offer refunds…. No no I wanted to request another date…. Yes, I'll hold again."

"Thanks for coming back out right away. I know your crystal ball seemed to show Bella as a good match, but she really had no interest at me at all. It seems she has an issue with the color green. Keth said that maybe your crystal ball was dirty and that was causing some foul ups with identifying my perfect date."

"My crystal ball, it has never been more clean."

"Well, just in case it is a little dirty, I'm offering a little something extra to cover a bottle or two of Windex. Here's the money my sister Lina has been stashing in her underwear drawer. She's been making a killing selling paintings lately."

"Perhaps the crystal ball has been a bit smudgy of late."

"Can I make one small request? Bella and I really had nothing in common. I was hoping that the crystal ball might find me someone whom I was actually friends with… or someone I could make friends with easily."

"Friends? You want to be friends with your date? From the money you have been offering, the crystal ball thought you were one of those pleasure sims wanting to date 50 different people."

"The crystal ball has spoken. It has found you a match with a woman whom you know."

Er… yeah… well, Cleveland does know her, in a sense. She's the gardener who comes around to tidy up the shrubs when they start looking a little shaggy. I'm not sure if she exactly date material tho. Heck, I'm not sure if Cleveland even knows her name (I certainly don't recall it off the top of my head).

"So… ah… I noticed you requested 'no vegetables' with your dinner. Do you have an allergy to them?"

"I'm a plants-rights activist."

"So you're like a druid? Do you worship trees and bushes and such?"

"I'm a member of PAETP -- People Against the Eating of Tasty Plants."

"How do you know they're tasty if you don't eat them?"

"Many of us remember their flavour from when we still dined on our vegetative brethren."

"Do you eat mushrooms still, or are they also off limits?"

"Do not mention those poseurs. Fungi. Hmmmph!"

"Er, alright. But you're a gardener. Doesn't that conflict with your 'plants' rights' views?"

"I am like a doctor for plants. Without me their lives would be miserable."

Cleveland, why are you scooting your chair down to the end of the table?

Needless to say, after the whole PAETA thing, the date started heading downhill fast. With a last minute rally Cleveland was able to at least bring it up to "good" but let's face it, the relationship was doomed from the start.

"Tell me the truth. You only wanted to go out with me because I'm green."

"Well, I did find your chlorophyllic complexion rather attractive, but after watching you consume an entire serving of lima beans I am convinced you have no compassion for our vegetable brethren."

"But you'll still come over to the house to trim the hedges, right?"

"Hello, Matchmakers R Us? That last date didn't work out well either, and I was wondering… This one was only dating me because I was green… No, no she didn't have some 'strange alien fetish'… She's some sort of plant activist…. Wow, no I didn't know the garden and nursery center next door to you was fire bombed last night…. No, I don't think it was my date; we had a good time. We just didn't 'click'…. I just don't understand how some people can be so lucky and get set up with good dates…. What's that?.... Money talks?.... Well, I took both my dates to a nice restau…Ohhhhh.... I understand…. Money has to talk before the date…. Well I did just get my scholarship money for the second semester, as did my brother and his girlfriend. Plus my sister still has some money stashed in her underwear drawer…. Yes, it's about that much… Yes, I'll hold…. "

They say the third time's a charm, don't they Cleveland? Let's cross our fingers here.

"Are you sure this is a crystal ball? It looks more like one of those globes where the lightning arcs inside when you touch it, except there's no smell of ozone."

"Do not touch the crystal ball. I just buffed it and you shall get sticky fingerprints all over it."

Hey, a sim I actually know. She's Jane Stacks from over at Sim State University. There may actually be some potential here Cleveland. You're both young adults in college. Jane's not part of the sorority at SSU, but she's got roommates so you've got that 'living with other people' thing in common too. Quick, call the taxi and head downtown to dinner. We may get a dream date out of all these attempts yet.

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear. This does not bode well. Cleveland's called the taxi, but Jane seems more interested in Kasson than our heir. Cleveland, if you can't hustle her outside to wait for the taxi before she gets sucked into the poker table (it's killed before you know), maybe you can still catch the gypsy and get a refund.

Cleveland fortunately was able to shuffle Jane out the door and into the taxi before the poker table ate her (and before she ruined the date by hitting on Kasson). Dinner at Crypt O' Night, however, was a disaster. I finally gave up trying to any sort of date progress as the table and figured that a turn on the dance floor might do something to save the date. No dice. The increasingly rude Jane had no interest in dancing, and Cleveland promptly made a bee-line to the dance sphere.

Notice who has joined Jane in glaring balefully at Cleveland? No, not the lounge lizard (who appears more interested in Jane's vast tracks o' land) Yep, failed date #1 Bella. You just know she's snarking Cleveland to Jane.

Jane apparently took to heart whatever Bella told her. *sigh*

After getting tossed out of the sphere, our OCD heir decided he was going to bus the tables just at the timer on the date was running out. With Bella's words no doubt still ringing in her ears, Jane delivered the "bad date" smackdown. Only one thing can come from this…

That's right. The Flaming Bag of Poo (FBP).

Out of curiosity after the date, I checked Jane's relationships. With the exception of the sims that Maxis gave her relationships with, Jane has a negative score with everyone she's met on her own. She's enemies with Cleveland now.

I wonder… will the FBP burn the deck? Should I call the fire department? If I move it inside, will it set off the smoke alarm?

Probably safer not to find out. Start stomping Cleveland.

"What the…?"

Dang, he's going to need a bootscraper. *wonders if she can quickly save and close, download a welcome mat, and get it installed on the deck before Cleveland tracks charred crap all over the linoleum.* Ah, too much effort. He's OCD; he can clean it up.

"Somehow this is all your fault, isn't it?"

Me? You're the one who wanted the dates. You're the one who got chintzy with paying off the gypsy. I offered a hot red head once you got back home, but nooooo.

"But I did not ask for a doody-bomb to be unleashed upon the front porch! Bella didn't do this after her date, and the gardener left me a nice letter."

You never got a chance to actually 'date' Bella before she sent you packing so she doesn't count, and you and the plant chick actually had a halfway pleasant date… until she went psycho on you. No more blind dates for you; the gypsy is officially persona non grata around here.

"Good. I think Lina noticed that her masterpiece money has been slowly dwindling. I was hoping to make it look like Kasson was using it to pay for his bubbleblower fix."

*gasp* What? Deception from my serious knowledge née-family aspiration heir? *sniff sniff* I'm so proud.

"Hey big brother! Huh… what stinks?"

"A bad date Lina. That is all I'll say on the subject."

"Oh, I coulda done told ya that that Jane gal wasn't keen on ya. I heard she's got the hots for some frat guy over at SSU."

"You couldn't tell me this before we went downtown?"

"How'll ya ever know if ya've found the rite one if ya never date the bad ones?"

I believe the term is "psycho hose beast", Salina, at least according to The Roomie.

"Anyhoo big brother, ifin yer up fer one more try at this datin' thing, I kin introduce ya to my friend Carla. She's a weird brainy kinda person like you too."

"I don't know. Keth said no more blind dates."

But this isn't some random stranger; she's a friend of Salina. She can't be too bad then. Sure, go invite her over Salina.

"You jes hang rite there and I'll give her a ring. She'll be over inna flash."

I'm not going to regret this, am I? I guess we won't know until the next chapter, will we?

Onward to Chapter 6d: Carla without a K

Back to Chapter 6b: More College


At 2/12/2006 7:12 PM, Anonymous Jenn W said...

Awesome as usual!!!!

Keep them coming I demand more!

At 2/12/2006 8:51 PM, Blogger PRMami said...

Awww glad they're back I love these guys :)

At 2/12/2006 10:06 PM, Blogger Anjel76 said...

Y'gotta know when to Holldum! And I'm ready now! Yay! I love these guys. What have you been doing with yourself that's keeping you from us? :O)) Hehe. Why do our sims never listen to us when we tell them that something is for their own good? NO ... they just want to learn it all the hard way. Well ... you warned him! And now he's date phobic. *ROTFL* Great update!

At 2/13/2006 1:40 AM, Blogger Alexis said...

Loved it! Finally caught back up with these guys, and the story is absolutely awesome! You left us hanging though...how will this next date go? I don't think I can wait to find out!

At 2/13/2006 2:49 AM, Anonymous Oydiegirl said...

Welcome back Keth :)) I love it of course, I mean it's a Holldum update! Bella LOL what are the chances? Can't wait to see how his next date goes.

At 2/13/2006 12:11 PM, Blogger AeronwyDiobhell said...

*giggles loudly* I love your roomie’s license plate! Poor Cleveland. He looks so sad when Bella’s giving him the brush-off. *cackles* A plants’ rights activist! LOL! So wait… Jane was rude to our dear boy, they didn’t have a good time, and yet she still felt it was okay to slap him because he’d had a date with someone else at another point in time?? Poor Cleveland. Just not cut out for this whole love business, is he.

At 2/13/2006 5:53 PM, Anonymous Cheryl said...

Great job. Loved the doody-bomb. I had never seen one of those before. I'm crossing my fingers that Salina's friend is at least friendly.

At 2/13/2006 8:41 PM, Anonymous Tracy said...

I'd never seen the doody bomb either! How funny. Poor Cleveland...... I sure hope his future intended makes up for all the grief!

At 2/14/2006 12:00 PM, Anonymous Lisa said...

That's my first time seeing the FBP as well. Call me stupid, but I don't get the last part of the roomie's l-plate. Does anyone ever get a good date from that rip-off gypsy??

At 3/12/2006 2:19 AM, Blogger j00ky said...

Excellent update Keth! Very entertaining, thanks :)

At 1/23/2007 11:14 PM, Blogger Evil said...

*humming Springsteen....*
...oh we stood at the altar, the gypsy swore our future was right, but from the wee wee hours, maybe baby, the gypsy lied.....

I knew that song was perfect for something (Brilliant Disguise) Poor Cleveland. However, College with the Holldums is a blast.

At 2/03/2007 4:34 PM, Blogger suziesim said...

Finally, Cleveland's going to get some action! woot! He can't go through 4 years of higher learning w/o a little quality female time. :)
LOL at Dud 'n Suds - I haven't seen one of those since my college days! Careful Cleve - you get what you pay for with those gypsies! :D:D Bella?! OMG - how did you get that license plate?!@@!
Better luck with the next one!
Wow - you'd be better off trolling for chicks at the bowling alley! PAETA? That's rich! And now every time she comes by to tend the hedges, she'll be throwing red crosses in your direction!
And now Jane, yeah she's trouble! I think that girl's got an unfriendly bug. But a slap? That's a bit much! And the FBP?! :D:D Oh Cleve - throw in the towel while you still have some self respect, son!

At 2/25/2007 3:22 PM, Anonymous SGT Heather said...

Wow! Date #1 is Bella! Should be interesting. Oh no, she's already toying with his heart :o( LOL! Date #2 is interesting! I love it! And Date #3 wants his brother. And then he gets slapped. Poor boy. Talking about your dating disaster.


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home